My Nightmare

Twelve years ago, I was diagnosed with stage 2A breast cancer (her 2 negative, est pos, no spread to lymph glands). My tumor was 3.2 cm, which the surgeon felt was too big for a lumpectomy, so he recommended a mastectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy .  I chose to have both breasts removed because I did not want to have reconstruction, and I also did not want to be tied to a prosthesis for the rest of my life.   Fun fact:  breast reconstruction can give you something that looks like a breast, but does not feel like a breast.  Lots of nerves are cut during a mastectomy, and I didn't want to have any body parts that I couldn't feel.

After the tumor was examined, and the Oncotype test run, it was decided that my treatment would be hormone therapy and removal of my ovaries to get rid of the estrogen that was fueling the cancer.   And so at age 45, I went through surgical menopause.  I had the the expected hot flashes and joint pain that comes with hormone therapy.  I took either tamoxifen or aromasin for 5 years after my surgery.  I saw my oncologist every six months for 5 years and then once a year after that.  He told me to come and see him if I ever had pain that lasted more than 2 weeks.

Two years after my diagnosis, I had back pain, x-rays, a bone scan and a visit to a neurologist showed that I had a herniated disc.  Two steroid injections fixed the problem, and my life went on.  When I developed back pain again in the same place in my back, my GP assumed (as did I) that my herniated disc was the problem.  She sent me to PT, gave me steroids and Diclofenac for the pain.  PT helped a lot, but my therapist was concerned that it wasn't improving fast enough.  She sent me back to my GP, who sent me to get an MRI.

I received an after hours phone call from my GP the same day I had my MRI.  She told me there were abnormal spots on my spine and that my pain was probably from a break in my sacrum.  She had already made an appointment for me with my oncologist for the next day.  This week I had a bone scan and a CT, which confirmed what everyone suspected:  my cancer is back.

There is no evidence of any other tumor, so this is not another primary cancer, this is stage 4 breast cancer.   I know treatments have improved since I was last diagnosed 12 years ago, but I am really not looking forward to this.  The worst part for me so far has been telling my kids.  My youngest was 10 when I was first diagnosed, and I remember just wanting to live long enough to see him graduate from high school.  He is in college now, but he is not ready to lose me yet.  His brother died less than 3 years ago, and he is still very fragile.

I dread telling my mother.  She just turned 80 and has spent the last 10 years or so caring for my dad who has dementia.  I know how much it hurts to lose a child, and I can't stand to put her through this.  She has already lost both of her sisters to cancer.

I worry about my husband.  His job isn't exactly stable right now, and his blood pressure was high before this whole thing started.  He has been great so far, but the past 10 years have been hard on our whole family.

I read Facebook posts from quilters who jokingly say they have reached SABLE (stash acquisition beyond life expectancy).  I am afraid I am there too now.  My quilting goals are to finish as many UFOS as I can and clean out my sewing room, so there is less for my family to do when I am gone.  I am going to declutter the rest of my house as much as I can too while I feel up to it.  I guess I am going to keep working at the quilt shop, at least for a while.  The ladies there are my friends, and I will miss them if I don't work.  The owner is a 3 time breast cancer survivor, so she knows what I am going through.

I want my blog to continue to be about quilting and sewing, but you may see cancer thrown in periodically while I deal with this.

Voila Fish Bound

My sweet longarmer, Debbie Cooper of Finish My Quilt, quilted this one for me at no charge since I have had her do so many of mine lately.  This is Voila Fish:

I used one of my favorite simple patterns, Voila! by Swirly Girls.  The quilting is an elongated curve that reminds me of a grilled hotdog. It is an all over pattern that gives the quilt a lot of texture.

The backing is green, pinwale, 100% cotton  corduroy that I had hanging around in my sewing room.  I am not sure what I bought it for originally.  Before I discovered wide backs, I used a lot of corduroy for backings.  The corduroy at JoAnn's used to be 60" wide, and it was less expensive to use that than quilting cotton.  It is also very soft and wears better than flannel.  It makes a warm quilt.

I am not sure who will get this quilt.  I originally made it because I loved the fish print.  There are several men and boys in my family who do not have quilts yet, so it may be for one of them.

Linking up:http://busyhandsquilts.blogspot.com/2018/08/fat-quarter-cubes-lap-quilt-finished-or.html

Stash Report:
Used this week: 1 yard (Binding for Claire's quilt, Binding for Voila Fish)
Used year to date: 118.125 yards
 Added this week:  6 yards ( borders and backing for  modern flower OBW)
Added year to date: 151.875 yards
Net Added: 33.75 yards

Another Featherweight

I bought another featherweight.  This one belonged to a woman I work with.  She had more machines than she needed, and this featherweight needed a good home.  I will take very good care of it!  Why do I need two?  It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of want.  My first featherweight should go back to the family who originally owned it when I die.  This one can stay in my family.  I hope one of my kids, quilting cousins, or nieces will want it.

It is in good mechanical condition.  I need to have the wiring checked.  I would also like to have it painted. This machine is not in as good condition cosmetically as the other one.  I don't think it was abused, but rather used a lot.

  I have looked online to find someone to paint it, but the most popular featherweight sites I have found online are located on the west coast or in the mid west.  Doesn't someone on the east coast paint these machines?  I really don't want to have to mail it somewhere.  In a perfect world, I could find someone in Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, North Carolina who could paint it for me.  I am not up to the job.  I don't have the time it would take or the skill to do it properly.

If you have had a featherweight painted, please let me know your experience.

Flower OBW

I bought this fabric last summer for a one block wonder:

It was about $4 a yard, and I loved the colors.  It is not the type of fabric I usually choose for OBWs, but I wanted to try it.

I was working on it in and got the strips done, but it got pushed aside for a quilt with a deadline.  I pulled it out this weekend and hope to finish the top soon.  I wish I had bought more of the stripe fabric to make a border, but I probably bought all there was on the bolt.

Stash Report:
Used this week: 0 yards
Used year to date: 117.125 yards
 Added this week: 7.75 yards
Added year to date: 139.125 yards
Net Add: 22.0 yards

Christopher's Stocking

About a year ago, I volunteered to finish cross stitching a Christmas stocking that one of my friends had started for her third child.   She had made stockings for her first 2 children, but her eyesight was getting worse, and she had stopped cross stitching.  This Shepherd's Bush stocking was an easy stitch for me since the linen is 18 count, 9 stitches per inch.

 Today I got the last charm sewed on.  My friend will be having the stocking professionally finished to match the ones of her other 2 kids.  She said her youngest, now a teenager, is getting excited to finally have a stocking like his older brother and sister.

I was glad to be able to help her out.

Linking up: https://www.supermomnocape.com/pumpkin-banner-embroidery-pattern/?cn-reloaded=1

Smart Phone Top

I finished my Smart Phone top today.  I wish I had had the energy to make more app blocks, but I don't, so it is a smallish quilt 56" x 56".  I have no recipient in mind for this one yet.  The backing is going to be blue flannel that has been hanging around my sewing room for about 7 years.

Linking up:
 http://busyhandsquilts.blogspot.com/2018/08/bee-hive-lap-quilt-poolside-wall.html


Stash Report:
Used this week: 2.5 yards
Used year to date: 117.125 yards
 Added this week: 0 yards
Added year to date: 131.375 yards
Net Add: 14.25 yards

A Quilt for Jill

The quilt I'm giving to my sister-in-law Jill has been waiting to be bound for several months.  This is a slow motion quilt: I finished piecing the top in 2014.  I had originally intended it to be a wedding quilt for a friend's daughter, but her relationship broke up, and I don't want to hang onto it forever.

This is a Swirly Girls pattern called Making History:

 The pattern was on the cover of Quilt Sampler magazine several years ago.  I made it in red for my mother-in-law before I started blogging.

I love the blue fabric with its beach prints.

My biggest holdup was finding a backing that would work.  The blue in the blocks looks royal until you get it next to other blues.  Then you can see the purple undertones.  I settled for this blue wide back.  My longarmer, Debbie Cooper, quilted waves all over, which give a lot of texture.  

Linking up:  https://sewfreshquilts.blogspot.com/2018/07/lets-bee-social-236.html

Stash Report:
Used this week: 7 yards ( Making History backing and binding)
Used year to date: 114.625 yards
 Added this week: 0 yards
Added year to date: 131.375 yards
Net Add: 16.75 yards